Having Unsupportive Family Members During a Pregnancy & Birth

Many people don't realize how much they truly take for granted their supportive, helpful and loving families. I for one can say that I have definitely realized this since having my first born. Ayana.

Now, let me begin my rant. During my pregnancy neither me or my partner owned a car yet, that only came later on. My partner, Sammy, was always super supportive and helped me in every possible way he could. He attended every doctors appointment, always made sure I was okay, made sure I relaxed and took it easy. It was quite difficult to get to our gynecologist. Whether it was one of those really hot days in the summer or it was raining on and off throughout the day, we had to take public transport to get to our appointments.

My family, specifically my mother never offered to help and even when I would ask them it was as if I was pulling teeth, there was always some excuse I could sense coming. It came to a point where I didn't even bother to ask. I saw all these supportive family members around other pregnant women and I already knew that for many families, a baby brought people together. It brought joy and love. I was jealous. Unfortunately, I never felt that way with my family. After warning my mother that I was in fact planning to have a baby with my boyfriend, Sammy, she continued to advise against it. So for me, it never truly brought us closer together. It only filled the air with tension and phoniness.

At the beginning when appointments were every 2 weeks I wasn't having much trouble. Although it would have been nice to have my mother in the room to hear the heartbeat or see my baby move up on the ultrasound screen even one time. It never happened, and that it something that I can never go back to experience with my mother by my side. It became difficult when I had to go to my appointment every week after moving more than 2 hours away by public transport. That is truly when I started to feel as if my family didn't care about my pregnancy, my well being or my baby.

They would call and tell me I am crazy for taking public transport 40 weeks pregnant in the heat but they would never offer me another solution. Now, my sister does not own a car, but she could of been by my side to keep me company. My mother has a car. They would tell me they don't know how I would do it to work at a coffee shop standing up all day but they would never offer to come over and help me out or ask if I needed something. To me, it would of been nice for one of these things to happen. It would of showed they cared. Now for many people a pregnancy will have a lot of people helping you out and constantly asking you if you need anything, but for me it showed me who my real family was. My real family was the one I was creating with my partner and the baby inside of me.

Weeks before giving birth they told me I could contact them at any time day or night when it was time to go to the hospital and being the naive woman I am, I believed them. When it came to the time and I was in excruciating pain going through my contractions and I was scared and nervous they didn't answer the phone. Which my partner warned me many times about. I kept calling and still no answer, so I decided to take the taxi. Hours later my sister answered and even later my mom.

Precious little Ayana and her amazing father!

I mean at least they showed up for the birth. Pushing their way through and fighting to be the one in the room when I was truly not comfortable with neither of them. I am so happy that they didn't experience that moment with me, because to be completely honest, they don't deserve it. Just as they don't deserve to be a part of my daughters life. Why you ask? Because they will come by when it is convenient for them and make excuses to why they have missed so much. I never want my daughter to feel they way I have for so long. She deserves better than that.

For all those out there who have amazing, dedicated family members I hope that you cherish it as much as I would. Take a moment to hug them a little tighter and let them know they are appreciated, as family doesn't have to be there. They choose to be. Just like anyone else in your life.